Sovereignty, shadow work and sacred contracts

I’ve been thinking a lot about sovereignty of late. Often in relation to time. Mainly because I do not feel sovereign of my own time. Hence two weeks of no writing here (or anywhere).

But really. What would it mean to have a greater sense of queenliness in my everyday life?

I choose how I spend my time, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. We’ve had some pretty high octane health challenges in our family of late. This make most choices a lot simpler. But the physical and psychological toll of these choices more complex.

I’ve been sitting with Carolyn Myss’ Queen archetype for the past fews days. No, that’s not quite true. I actually selected her from the book Sacred Contracts, drew her card from the archetype deck, the following description (among others):

The benevolent Queen uses her authority to protect those in her court, and sees her own empowerment enhanced by her relationships and experience. The shadow Queen can slip into aggressive and destructive patterns of behavior, particularly when she perceives that her authority or capacity to maintain control over the court is being challenged.

Then promptly filed her away. Nup, I thought. That’s not me. I selected the Goddess card instead.

All day, I tried to connect with the Goddess thing. Sacred Feminine? Check. Artemis? Check. Bees? Check. Vali? Check. Baba Yaga? Check. On and on it went.

Glasses tumbled and smashed, heaters spluttered and stopped, coffees spilled and scolded, children complained incessantly. Too many carbohydrates were inhaled, too much wine imbibed. Opportunities were wasted.

And the words I tried to wrangle left a bitter taste in my mouth.

A less Goddessy day I could scarcely imagine.

So I did what I always do in these situations.

I washed the dishes.

I let those bitter stories swirl around in the dishwater. I wondered whether and how they would ever leave me in peace.

Then I recalled that I had all but ordered the death of a neighbourhood trouble-maker, much to the horror of my friendlier neighbours.

Off with her head! Off with her head!

Who was I trying to kid? I am so the fucking Queen.

My dear friend Julia (aka Sacred Familiar) recently wrote:

It’s funny and weird to see the witch being glamorised at the moment. Being a witch is now cool. But I know the path is very rocky and often lonely – the witch is still rebirthing through centuries of being hated blamed and reviled. It is a beautiful path because it really does mean women in tune with nature but it cannot be smiled through or dressed up and more than anything I find it’s a path of honesty and constantly standing at the threshold of the dark cave of your own shadow… 

Shadow work whilst washing the dishes.

A sacred contract to defend my hive.

My time is now.