If only you heard the conversations in my head yesterday. Actually, I’m glad you didn’t, as I’m pretty sure your opinion of me would have changed dramatically.
As I might have mentioned: we are living in a rental house while our home is renovated. Our rental is five to ten minute drive from our home, so very convenient for school and kindergarten and site meetings and stuff. But, honestly, the neighbourhood feels so different we might as well be living in another country.
For starters, it’s friendly.
Don’t get me wrong, there are many many beautiful souls in our old neighbourhood. People I feel privileged to know. Including some of Australia’s finest musicians, songwriters, playwrights, artists, comedians and social commentators. Friends.
And then there are my neighbours. People whose true character became apparent when our renovation plans became public. People who are short-sighted, selfish and mean-spirited. People who are duplicitous and untrustworthy. People who can also, on occasion, be physically intimidating and threaten extreme violence. People whom I wish would just leave the neighbourhood. Or die. Frankly either would be fine by me.
I’ll spare you the finer details of the end of 2017, which included Police intervention and a visit to the Community Court. Let’s just say it was blessed relief to take a break from it all while construction stopped for the Christmas holidays.
Then our builder popped in two nights ago and gave me an update on the neighbourhood gossip and it all came flooding back.
You know, it’s funny. Realistically, we’re talking about three people here. I catch a glimpse of them on the street, on average, twice a year. But it’s INCREDIBLE how they have dominated my brain space. I guess there’s something there for me, if I want to delve into it, about old relationship patterns that get triggered by just the IDEA that these people feel unkindly disposed toward me. (Honestly, Byron Katie would have a field day.)
I do have enough support and feedback to assure me that I am justified in feeling upset and threatened, and that my neighbours’ behaviour is completely inappropriate and disproportionate to the issues at hand.
But, really, I just want all the angst and imagined arguments in my head to STOP. As in, all the mean stuff I want to say to these people and how I want to make them hurt so badly that they leave me and my family alone.
And I’m astonished how hard it can be to stop myself when I get sucked into this vortex of hatred and retribution.
But yesterday I remembered something.
I’d recently drawn a card from one of my new favourite oracle decks. Shaman of the Earth, Guardian of the Hearth. And I immediately loved her because she was all about The Stories. And not just any stories. Women’s stories nurtured and nourished around the fire. She had felt like an invitation, a reminder.
Suddenly I recalled I had an ancient resource at my fingertips: my other two favourite conduits to spirit. The Alchemist’s Oracle offered me an exquisite tree and a reframed perspective of the stasis in which I found myself. But Kuan Yin really kicked my butt into gear:
You are a spiritual leader and pioneer and part of what you are here to do for the planet on a soul level […] is to empower the Divine Feminine […] so that we might live in more balance as a species on the Earth.
The Divine Feminine is only now making her resurgence on this planet and many do not understand Her. Your sacred task for which you will be richly supported, nourished and rewarded, is to help live Her truths now. In doing so, you are planting seeds of awareness and experience for others tp draw from when they too are ready to live into Her sacred truths.
This will explain why at times you feel you do not fit in to current culture. You are not meant to, because you are meant to help it grow and change! In the same way that beloved Kuan Yin had a rebellious and compassionate streak, and did not fit into the world in the way it was because she was born to help it heal and ascend, so too does your Soul yearn to make a real difference in this world, to help it be free of fear that leads to competition and domination and power struggles and instead to live from a place of love and peace.
And with that, I opted out. And the inner angst and arguments stopped. I realised that just because people around me behaved poorly and chose an adversarial route, I did not have to.
I just don’t have that kind of time. I’ve got work to do. And my work is all about rising above it. And choosing love. In this case, self-love.
So I booted up my laptop, wrote yesterday’s post (my first piece of writing in six months) and I also updated my About Me page to reflect who I truly am.
And while that wasn’t exactly a revolution… it felt like a good start.
As Elizabeth Gilbert would say: onward.